The Birth Story of Baby Eden

Baby was "due" May 11th, 2014, Mother's Day.  One week later it was Sunday the 18th and I was still pregnant.  I went to church and taught my last Temple prep class for the series. This baby must have known I needed to finish the class.   I knew that if I went past 11:14pm that night it would be my longest pregnancy.  I was emotional at church.  I heard lots of advice on how to go into labor.  I took it all in stride.  People meant well.  I was not really worried.  I knew she would come when it was the right time.  My body would be ready and she would be ready.  That night Brian and I went on a walk alone.  When we got home I took a steamy shower to help my annoying cough that I had been dealing with for a month to loosen up.  I went to bed with plans to get up and do laundry and fix my hair.

At 3am I woke up to a strange feeling in my abdomen.  I laid there and thought it might have been a contraction.  I got up and went to the bathroom.  Nothing new.  Went back to bed.  I would have a contraction again.  Not to intense, but more than the light ones I had been having here and there for weeks.  I tried to time them.  Some were ten minutes apart, some three.  Some weak, some stronger.  I stayed in bed for an hour trying to sleep, watching the clock and hoping this was it.  I was thinking that if this was labor, then why are the contractions so inconsistent.   I wondered if she was in a good position.  But the contractions were low in front where they should be, so I didn't do anything about it.  At 4 am I decided to get up and move around a bit.  If this was labor, I would rather get it going before the kids were all up, but at the same time I wanted to let my birth team sleep as long as possible.  At 4:30 I woke Brian up.  The contractions were steadily coming and getting harder.  He called the Midwife and Doula.  They were on their way. 

I had planned on a water birth and really hoped to catch my baby this time.  I had fears that I would be alone.  I had fears that she would be in a difficult position.  I had filled my bathroom wall with positive affirmations and words of encouragement from friends.  In the time leading up to the birth I read these things often.  The positive affirmations helped me a TON!!

As I was standing in the bathroom and when I would have a contraction, Brian would rub my lower back and hips as I leaned on the counter.  That felt good and I wondered how he knew to do that.  Usually I would want my hips squeezed, but that didn't feel right this time and I never had to tell him.  He was filling the tub and getting it ready.  I would rotate between leaning on the counter and sitting on the toilet.  At one point as I leaned against the counter I felt her come down quite a bit.  I told Brian she is coming soon.  I told him she is moving down.  He called Chris and told her I was going to have the baby soon.  She said she was 2 minutes away.

I climbed in the tub and it seemed like no time at all she told me to reach down and feel my baby.  I remember thinking it was too early for her to be there.  But I felt her crowning.  I felt her head emerge.  I kept my fingers on her and felt as her shoulders slowly came out and then her body. I do not know if my eyes were open or closed because everything I "saw" at this time was through my hands.  It is hard to describe how this felt.  It was amazing to feel her body emerge from me.  I reached down with my other arm and lifted her up out of the water.  I had done it!  We had done it!  It was over.  I had never felt so aware during any of my births.  It was an amazing feeling and I was so happy to see her and know the journey of this pregnancy was over.  She was here and now we would begin our new journey together. The fears I had could finally be put behind me.  I loved seeing her stretch her legs and arms out.   The cord quit pulsating rather quickly and the placenta was delivered.  We kept the cord attached as the placenta sat in a bowl. 

I just caught my baby!  Born at 5:05am

 

After I got out of the water and into bed we got Aubryn to come in and cut the cord.  It was more difficult than I think she thought it would be.  She was proud of herself and has enjoyed telling people her big role in the birth.  She also was taught all about the placenta by Chris.   Aubryn  loves to hold the baby and would do it all day if I let her.  She has been so good with her.

 

This was an amazing birth experience for me.  There is no way I can think of to improve it in any way.   Now it was done.  Everything was well!  Everyone was there that I needed!  I was able to catch my baby!  The birth went smoothly!   ALL IS WELL.

9lbs 2oz

Gabriella's Birth Story

 Friday, September 13, 2013

       

        I woke up around 5:45am after having a good night's sleep.  I went to birth group the night before and I had one of the ladies give me a few tips for going into labor.  She said she expressed some milk and did some hip rotations on an exercise ball.  I thought my exercise ball might still be out in the garage, but since I was the only one awake I thought I would try expressing milk first.  She said she had her baby within ten hours, so I thought it would be good to get an early start. 

        It was a Friday morning, which is what I had been hoping for all along.  Bryce recently started a new job which meant he didn't have any sick time or vacation time, so having our baby at the beginning of the weekend would be perfect for him to be home with us for the next few days.  My mom also had Fridays off and we were planning to have her come watch the kids when I went into labor.  The last few Fridays I was hopeful as well, but our little girl just wasn't ready yet. 

        So I sat on the couch trying to express some colostrum.  I  wasn't sure if I was doing it right, nothing was coming out.  But after about five minutes on each side I felt a few small contractions.  I gave up and went back to bed to snuggle with Bryce.  I had been having regular contractions on and off for the last month, so I definitely wasn't getting excited. 

        After laying down with Bryce for a few minutes I felt uncomfortable.  I figured my body did not want to lay down any longer.  I sat up while Bryce and I talked about plans for the day.  I said, "I will call you if I go into labor, but don't get your hopes up."  I had said that many days, this was my longest pregnancy.  My contractions were really starting to get my attention at this point.  I told Bryce we should probably get ready and finish packing the birth bag.  I texted my Doula, Twyla, to let her know I was having contractions, just giving her a heads up.  I also texted Chris, the midwife, to let her know things were starting up.  Bryce decided he would shower, that panicked me a bit to be left alone. My next contraction was really painful and I didn't want him to leave me even for a minute.  While he was in the shower it went from exciting to scary for me.  I had never felt contractions like this before.  I was leaning over the side of my bed and focusing on groaning and breathing.  The contractions were about every 2 minutes apart and really intense.  In the next few minutes I told Twyla I was ready for her help and let my mom know to head over.  My mom lives an hour away and I didn't want to wait too long. 

        Within just a few more minutes I changed plans.  We needed everyone to meet us at the birth center.  There wasn't going to be time to labor at home.  The contractions were so painful that I couldn't do anything. In the short time between contractions I managed to throw some clothes on.  Bryce was grabbing all of his things and woke the kids up to get ready to leave.  They were amazing and completely ready to go in about 5 minutes - in their school clothes.  They helped grab snacks and the food we had planned for our birth breakfast.  Maddie grabbed me a towel and a bucket - at this point I thought I was going to throw up.   

        I remember standing at the counter, I was going to attempt to help gather things.  Instead I ended up leaning over the counter trying to cry through a contraction.  Jonathon was standing in the hallway watching me with concern.  After the contraction was over I reassured him that I was ok, this is how it is supposed to happen.  I heard him tell Luke that he thought I was crying.  Maddie was so helpful to remind them that I was ok, and helped get them excited about the baby coming. 

        Everyone went out to the car and I started having another contraction by the small couch.  I remember leaning over the couch and just burying my face into the big cushion.  I felt like I couldn't handle the pain anymore and I was really scared.  It was at that point that I remembered I wanted to do this.  I knew I could do it if I relied on Heavenly Father to help me.  I said a quick prayer right there that He would be with me and help me.  I knew I needed to relax more and trust Him.  Bryce helped me get up and started walking me to the car.  I told him I wasn't going to make it to the birth center.  I knew the baby was coming fast.  I was really worried about spending 20 minutes in the car with how much pain I was already in. 

        Bryce gave me a blessing in the driveway right before I sat down in the car.  He mentioned in the blessing that everything was going to be ok.  I remember the part that stood out to me was he said I was going through transition.  I hadn't realized that for some reason, and that made me happy to know that Heavenly Father knew what my body was doing.  I was also nervous because I know birth isn't far behind transition.  As we started driving I tried to find a comfortable position that I could hopefully relax in.  Bryce suggested the kids sing a primary song to me.  All four of them sang their best and I loved it.  I could definitely feel the Spirit, and although I was still in pain I was able to relax much more than I had been.  After a few primary songs they switched to singing a song they had learned at school.  I could immediately feel a difference in the Spirit and I wasn't as relaxed.  I asked them to sing more primary songs and attempted to sing with them between contractions.  I was feeling the need to push during the contractions, but I just tried to breathe and relax as much as I could.  It was comforting to me when Bryce said that Twyla was right behind us, following us to the Birth Center.  I hoped Chris wasn't far behind. 

        We arrived at the Birth Center and everyone got out of the car.  I had been leaning back and to the side and started to get up.  Twyla and Bryce came to the passenger door to help me and told me that Chris wasn't there yet.  I knew I couldn't get out of the car until I absolutely had too.  I rested my head back by the top of the seat belt and tried to breathe slowly.  I told Twyla that I felt like I needed to push and she reminded me to relax and breathe.  She did really good talking to me and trying to keep me calm.  It was only a few minutes before Chris arrived and told us to hurry and come in.  Bryce and Twyla helped me walk to the stairs, but I had to stop for a contraction before going up.  Twyla held onto me from behind and Bryce was holding my arms in front.  It was then that my water broke.  I could feel it going down my legs and I told them the baby was coming.  I heard a little panic in Twyla's voice when she called for Chris.  I can't remember who said it, but they said to hurry and get me upstairs.  I remember having a lot of help getting up the two sets of stairs, although Bryce and Twyla said I did it by myself.  The kids followed behind us and I directed them to go play in the toy room for a minute. 

        We walked into the birthing room and I kind of froze by the side of the bed because I didn't know what to do.  Bryce and Twyla got my sandals and pants off and helped me climb up on the bed.  They stacked a bunch of pillows in front of me and I leaned over and buried my face in them.  They said the baby was ready, and they could already see her head.  It hurt so bad, I was too scared to push.  They were encouraging me and letting me know I could do it.  I knew it would be over faster if I did my best to push her out.  I took a breath and waited for the next urge and I pushed as hard as I dared.  It was so much more painful than I had imagined.  I was screaming, saying it hurts, saying I was going to die.  Bryce was getting ready to catch and I pushed again, screaming at the same time.  It was so incredible to feel her body slide out, and I knew Bryce caught her.  I was in shock about everything that was happening, the memories seem blurry like a dream.  Bryce slid her on the bed underneath me so I could see her.  I stayed in my position because I didn't think I could move.  I think the first thing I asked was, "Is it really a girl?"  Bryce assured me that he had checked and Yes, it was a girl.  I listened to her grunt and fuss and had memories of when Jonathon was born.  He wasn't breathing right and they took him to the NICU for the next two weeks - I didn't want that to happen again.  I kept asking if she was ok and everyone answered that she was perfect.  Healthy, pink, big and perfect. 

        The kids got to come in and see her while I was still on my hands and knees.  They had put some covers over me so that I wasn't exposed.  It was so neat that they got to see her while she was so brand new, even before I had delivered the placenta.  I think my mom got there around that time and was surprised to find that I had already delivered the baby.  We had her put on a movie for the kids while I tried to get more comfortable and get ready for the after birth.  I was surprised when I felt painful contractions again, I thought after the baby was out I was done.  I  was not happy about delivering the placenta, and I was in a lot of pain.  I think I may have been slightly cranky at that point.

        I was so happy to get to hold my new baby, we still hadn't decided on her name yet.  She latched right on when I went to nurse her, it was great.  We were both pretty messy at this point still.  The kids and my mom came back in and Chris showed them the placenta.  The kids put gloves on and got to touch it and Chris showed them how it worked and what it did.  It was really fun to see their different reactions. Maddie got to cut the umbilical cord and was pretty excited about that.  I was incredibly happy that my kids were there with us, it made everything sweeter for me.  Not long after that I was able to take a shower while they cleaned up the baby.  Maddie got to help with the baby's first bath. 

        It felt so good to be clean and to hold a clean baby.  I was still having a lot of cramping and pain from the birth, but I was happy.  Bryce went to work making us all a nice breakfast.  We had hash browns, omelets, bacon, orange juice, chocolate milk and krispy kreme doughnuts.  It was perfect.  After filling my belly I felt really worn out and wanted to rest for a little bit.  Bryce took the kids home to get their back packs and go to school, and also stopped to get the car seat that we hadn't forgotten in the rush that morning.  While my mom held Gabby I thought I would try to sleep.  I was apparently still too traumatized from the whole experience to rest my mind.  I kept replaying the events in my head and feeling the fear and stress I had felt earlier.  I finally decided to give up on sleeping and started packing up and getting ready to go instead. 

        I was so relieved that I hadn't torn during the delivery.  I had always had episiotomies before.  This was the best recovery I have ever had.  I was so happy to get to bring my baby home and finish recovering there.  It took us till the next day to settle on her name: Gabriella AnnaMarie Sherwood.  We have both loved the name Gabriella, and AnnaMarie is Ilse's middle name.  (Bryce's grandma)          She was 9lbs 9oz and 20 1/2 inches long, born at 7:38 am.   She is perfect!  We have bonded to her so quickly and have been much happier about losing sleep than we have been in the past.  I wouldn't change a thing about how she was born, the Spirit was so strong.  I found out other things later that added to the strong Spirit we felt.  We were very blessed and I know we had Heavenly help through the whole process. 

A Fascinating Birth Story

This is one of the most fascinating birth stories I have read.  Twins, VBAC,water birth, many fears, many hours between babies, and in a different culture than mine.  Part one and part two.

Birth Story of Milo

I've had a difficult time wanting to write this story - or knowing HOW to write it. I don't even know WHEN the "birth" story started. I felt like I'd been in labor for at least a week before Milo was born, and by the time I knew for certain that it was the "real deal," it felt like a bad joke. That said, everything went well once things really began to happen, and I shouldn't have any complaints. I had a list of things that I wanted in my birth:

a healthy baby
a natural birth (no IV or drugs)
John
my doctor
to make it to the hospital in good time (not too early or too late)
I got all of those things!

I've gone back and forth about what to include in this birth story, and I've decided to error on the side of telling too much, rather than to pick and choose what to include. So this will be long (it's already long!),but it felt long at the time, so maybe it's appropriate. Today I'm going to post the preliminary stuff, and then later, I'll post the actual BIRTH story. :) Feel free to skip all of it if you want to. :)

With this being my 5th baby, I felt a lot of braxton hicks contractions - starting back in November, and getting progressively worse until in March I was going a little nuts. After 36 weeks, the contractions got a lot stronger, more often, and more regular. On Friday, April 3rd, the contractions were strong and 3 minutes apart. I felt awful - nauseous, light headed, sick . . . after agonizing about what to do, John and I decided to go to the hospital to find out what was going on. It didn't seem too likely that I was in active labor, but with contractions that close together, we didn't want to risk having the baby in the car or something.

Greg came up to stay with our kids,and we arrived at the hospital around 11:30 pm. Once I was in bed and hooked up to the monitors, the contractions slowed down in both frequency and intensity. After an hours' observation, the nurse said we could go home, or walk around, shower, etc. to try to get things to pick up again. We were tired, so we went home, fully expecting to be back soon. (My cervix hadn't dilated during that hour, but it had gotten much softer, so our nurse was optimistic that we'd be back in the next day or two at most. Although I know these things are unpredictable,I held onto the hope that she was right.)

She wasn't. I continued to have fairly regular and strong contractions (up to my due date), but they didn't progress.

The next Wednesday (April 8th) was my due date, and I had my 40 week appointment that morning. My doctor was leaving for spring break with her family early in the morning on the 10th, so I knew I had less than 48 hours to have my baby if I wanted her there. And I did. I'm generally opposed to induction, and I really like to just let things happen, but the previous weeks' fake-outs/practice and the desire to have the baby before my doctor left won out, so I asked her to strip my membranes. The theory is that if your body is ready,stripping the membranes can help start labor - that's what happened with Ruby, so I was hopeful that it would once again get things moving. If my body was not ready to have the baby, stripping the membranes wouldn't do anything.It seemed like a safe move.

I came home from my appointment and took Ruby and Jonah on a nice long walk. During our walk, the contractions were really intense, and 5 minutes apart. We came home for a break, and the contractions slowed down and got weaker. We walked to the school to get Maxwell. Once again, the contractions kicked in. And once again, after we got home,they slowed way down.

After lunch, Ruby and I went out to walk, AGAIN. This time the contractions were quite painful,and at least 5 minutes apart - many coming closer together. The wind was blowing, it was cold, and I was tired, so we came home - only to have things slow down again!

That afternoon, I helped the kids practice piano and do their reading. We walked to piano lessons and back a couple of times (with strong contractions each time). We made popcorn balls. I sewed four burp cloths and made dinner. Finally,around 6 pm, my contractions seemed to stay strong when I was not walking, but by this point, it seemed like a cruel joke.

After dinner, I sat down and read a book while John put the kids to bed, I took a shower, and then watched a movie with John. The entire time I was wondering if I should be paying attention to the contractions, or if it was another false alarm. At 10 pm, we started to get ready for bed, and debated whether or not to call Greg. Eventually, I gave him a call. I explained that I wasn't too optimistic, but there was a chance that labor would get serious that night and we'd need him to watch the kids. I asked if he'd rather spend the night, or just come up in the unlikely chance that John and I decided to go to the hospital. Greg said he'd just come up and spend the night. Shortly after I got off the phone with Greg, my contractions became more painful, and I started to feel sick. By the time Greg arrived, I'd decided that we'd better go to the hospital. I gathered my things together, and we'd set out - just like we had almost a week earlier.

When we got to the hospital (at about 11:30 pm), they quickly got us into a room (my reputation for quick births preceded us because a nurse we'd had before was working). Our doctor was called, and she told them to do a 20 minute test strip, to let me move around after that, and that she would be over soon. When she arrived, she had the nurse set the room up so they'd be ready when I was. Ruby, Jonah, and Maxwell were all born less than 2 hours after we arrived at the hospital, and my doctor seemed confident that this labor would follow the pattern set by my last two births. On the other hand, I was worried that we'd spend the night with everyone waiting and waiting for me to have the baby, and that he wouldn't be born for HOURS.

At about 12:45, I asked to be checked because the contractions were very strong. I'm always hesitant to be checked because the news can either be encouraging, or very depressing. Luckily, I had progressed to a 7, so I was encouraged, although still not confident that things would move quickly. My doctor and a nursing student stayed in the room with John and I after that. It was nice to have people to visit with between contractions, although it was kind of strange to have everyone quiet down while I was having a contraction. A little while later, I began to feel pressure (not quite an urge to push, but close to it) during contractions. After a few contractions like that, I asked to be checked again, and was found to be complete. The urge to push was still not overwhelming, and I was worn out emotionally, if not physically, so I asked my doctor to break my bag of waters to speed things up a little. After a few more contractions, she broke my water, and said I could push whenever I felt like it. I pushed on the next contraction, but it was so weak no one could tell I'd done it! Argh!

I pushed harder on the next contraction, and the next,and the next, and I started to wonder what was going on! The last 3 babies had all been born in just a couple of pushes, and I couldn't figure out what was taking so long.It turns out that Milo wasn't in the right position,so as I pushed, he was rotating into position before he could be born. (I wonder if breaking the bag of water made him drop down before he rotated all the way. If so, it was my own fault that I had to push so much longer.) The pushing was really hard and really scary. I always forget how painful and scary pushing is for me.

It's so strange to be the one in labor. No one else can feel what you're feeling, and even though John and my doctor are there, I feel pretty alone.Birthing my baby is something I have to do - no one can do it for me, and besides the baby, everyone else is mostly spectating. This time, the difference between the experience that the others had was markedly different from what I was experiencing. I managed to not scream out loud, so the nurses, my doctor, and even John thought that I was doing really well. I LOOKED calm, in control, and focused as I pushed. What I remember is totally different. I was scared silly, in a ton of pain, and felt like I was freaking out. It just hurt too badly to open my mouth to yell or scream or cry or even to open my eyes to see the birth (I always plan to watch the birth, and I've never been able to keep my eyes open). I remember thinking of how much it hurt, and how long it was taking, and just wanting it to be over and for him to be OUT. It felt more like chaos than calm to me.

Eventually, my pushing and his rotating did their job,and Milo was born! John helped to catch, and I managed to open my eyes to see my baby (and to ask for my camera so I could get a picture of John holding our newborn).

Once the cord stopped pulsing, John cut it, and I got a chance to hold our baby. He was hungry! Milo was basically born rooting. :) He was quickly cleaned up and weighed

(we were all a little shocked at his size - my biggest baby), and then I got to hold and feed him while the doctor finished taking care of me.
Milo hardly cried at all, which worried me, but his color was good and no one else was concerned. He was born at 1:17 am. Great timing. Just as my doctor finished with me, she headed over to another hospital to deliver another baby. :)
To read Jenny's blog and see beautiful pictures of Milo click HERE.

Overcoming Fears

The discussion on overcoming fear at today’s gathering was great! First, we talked about what fears, struggles, and issues we have now or have had. Here is the rough list we came up with.

• Multiple kids (as in, can I handle another one?!)
• Transfer to hospital
• Fear of judgment
• Losing it in the middle of labor
• What if I don’t know I am in labor
• Sick baby
• Baby dies
• Pain
• Huge baby
• Long, difficult labor
• Baby’s position
• Hemorrhage
• Cord prolapsed
• Wrapped cord
• Over confident in my ability
• Not being able to do it
• Breastfeeding trouble

We discussed these fears. We asked why we have them and where they stemmed from. Then we brainstormed some ways of coping and/or solutions. Some of these are just distractions from the real problem. But, at times, that is what it takes.

• Prayer.
• Take a walk.
• Meditation, visualization.
• Shopping.
• Discussing with close friend, care provider, religious leader
• Eating- chocolate
• Give it six weeks (with nursing problems) But with many issues, time can usually help. Patience.
• Journaling.
• Birth art (We did this at the gathering!)
• Educate ourselves.
• Find the root of the fear. Why is this an issue for me?
• Relaxing. (bath, breathing, read)
• Music.
• Focus on the good. Especially, with pregnancy. There is GOOD in it!
• Take it slow. If you are overwhelmed, take it as you can. Bit by bit.
• Do all we can for our health.

This was an uplifting discussion. I felt it could apply to struggles other than what we face in pregnancy and the delivery.

There is power in conquering or surviving hard challenges. After triumphing a natural delivery one mom at the gathering this morning said, “I no longer doubt my ability to do anything!” How big of a statement is that?! We are strong! When we face something hard and get through it, we are STRONGER!

Home Birth and the "What if's?"

What if something goes WRONG?? So many times we hear this. Women are made to feel "safe" only in a hospital, where if anything goes wrong, they can be saved. But what if something goes wrong at home? What happens then? What if the baby gets stuck? There are horror stories about shoulder dystocia. What if my baby is not healthy? What if it hurts way to bad? What if this happens to me?!

When I went into labor with my second son, things happened very fast. I got up around 12:40 am and used the bathroom, as I always did late in my pregnancy. But as I sat there half asleep, I realized my water broke. (pretty convenient place) My husband was still sleeping and I was having no contractions, so I kept quiet and let him sleep. I heard my 22 month old in his room talking. That was unusual. What was he doing awake? I got my husband and asked him to try to get him back to sleep. He went in and it was to no avail. The kid was wide awake. Contractions slowly started and we called our doula around 1:00am to tell her what was happening. I was talking to her through the contractions and told her to "take her time. things were just starting." She arrived about 1:30 am and things had changed! I was in intense labor. We called the midwife and grandma (to help with the 1 year old). I had managed to get into the warm shower for some relief. It was SO intense. I was thinking, "This is hard! I can't keep this up." As they intensified I knelt down on my hands and knees. I was trying all the breathing techniques I had learned. Nothing was helping. I just tried to keep my tones low.

The midwife walked in just as I began to push. She told my husband, who was running around trying to set up a birth pool, that their was no time! She asked him to take off the shower doors and come catch his baby. As I pushed the baby out I heard the midwife say to my husband very calmly, "I'm sorry, I have to take this away from you." Then I remember yelling at her to stop what she was doing. She stayed calm and the baby was out. 2:12 am. I was holding and loving my baby.

What had happened? Well, at the time I was unaware that the baby had shoulder dystocia. The midwife used some techniques that got the baby out quickly and without any damage. (read here to learn of the techniques used in shoulder dystocia.) So, what if I had been in the hospital? What if I had an epidural and was unable to be in the best position for a S.D. delivery? And with how quickly labor happened, what if I was still in route to the hospital when this delivery happened? What if I was NOT at home with a qualified midwife? I have read stories of S.D. deliveries and the stories in the hospital are the ones that scare me. I was grateful I was not there- doctors panicing, nurses pushing on bellies, large episiotomies, and calls for the NICU. After reading more I was so grateful for a calm midwife who handled the situation. I was able to hold my baby and bond right away, which was precious time!

As time progressed we were sad to learn our baby was born with a congenital birth defect in his brain. He had an MRI and there was no brain damage from his birth. He had a life of struggle. Struggle to eat, see,and progress at a normal rate. What if he was born in the hospital? Would they have saved him from his life of challenges? No. What if he had been whisked off to the NICU? The precious time together would have been limited and the huge struggle to nurse him would have been intensified. With persistence (both on my part AND my sweet baby) we were able to overcome and breastfeed. It was not easy! We had time to be together and he did receive the medical attention he needed at the time he needed it, while still being able to bond with his family.

My baby died in his sleep when he was 19 months old. What if things had been different? What if he had spent more time in the hospital? What a shame that would have been.